But how do you really understand what’s too wet or dry? How do you get the confidence to trim roots or take cuttings to propagate? How do you figure out the right soil for each plant?
I feel lost and have killed half my plants. It’s just sad because I really love having plants.
Edit: Here’s a summary of what was shared for future readers and myself:
Plants can die no matter how careful you are
Start with cheap and easy plants, then work up to your dream ones
Look for reliable resources (there are plenty mentioned in the comments)
Research where your plants grow naturally (like their temperature, humidity, soil, water, and light needs)
Accept some plants just may not work for you (if two of the same die, it might mean that plant is not a good fit)
Don’t hesitate to ask for help
Get to know your plants; do their leaves or stems change when watered? Do they droop when they’re thirsty? Did they do well in a certain spot?
Buying discounted or sick plants to try and revive can be helpful for learning and lessening the guilt if they don’t make it
Thanks so much for all the advice. I think others should read through the comments too. And thank you to all these wonderful people.
For me, it was all about trial and error. After losing so many plants, I learned to not feel so guilty anymore and started figuring out what went wrong. I also tried out different methods of propagation. I mostly grow succulents, which gives you plenty of chances to practice. A lot of my early mistakes were because I was impatient and inexperienced. I was overwatering, fussing too much, and stressing over every little issue. But over time, I got better as I learned from my mistakes. The key is to be patient with yourself. It’s all part of the learning curve.
@Ty
And once you get the hang of one type of plant, similar ones get easier! When you understand what one needs, you’ll know where to place it in your home and when to water it, making the next ones smoother to care for. If you dream of a big variegated monstera, maybe start with a $10 swiss cheese vine as practice.
Jo said: @Ray
Just to add a little note; I’ve seen young monsteras for about 13 at Costco. Not exactly your point, but non-variegated versions of the same species can be good tester plants.
@Ty
You know, I hadn’t even heard of that until now, after seeing all these posts. I have ADHD, and too much talk can really test my patience. I prefer reading instead, lol.
I’ve been growing plants for over 20 years and I still lose some sometimes
Take your time and don’t feel bad about killing a plant.
We need to stop feeling guilty and ashamed when a plant dies. No one cares when cut flowers wilt because that’s expected. But when a plant that costs as much as a bouquet ends up dead, it feels like a huge deal - the guilt may help with learning but mostly just leads to self-torture.
After several years, I’ve finally hit my stride with some I’ve kept for a long time. But why do I still think about all the plants I’ve lost? How do you move on? Do you see them as just stepping stones?
Spence said:
Practice. I can’t speak for everyone, but my green thumb is fueled by the losses of my plants.
Exactly, this is so true! I used to believe I had a brown thumb. For a decade I struggled without any success. Then I suddenly became obsessed with learning about plants, how they work in nature, and just how awesome they really are. I jumped in and learned a lot from my mistakes.
I’ve been into this since childhood, I guess I have some kind of ‘sense’ for many plants now. I don’t usually search for care guides at all. I study the origins of certain plants instead. Knowing where they come from helps me understand their light requirements, how much moisture or dryness they can tolerate, their humidity needs, cold resistance, and so forth. Care guides can be misleading because each of us has slightly different home environments. It’s vital to understand your own indoor setting to know if a plant can thrive.
It’s also important to know how plants function overall. Many do not realize how essential oxygen is for roots. For many plants, overwatering isn’t just about the moisture level but rather about using overly compact soil that becomes anaerobic when wet, which suffocates the roots and ultimately kills them.
I also see that many people tend to over-care for their plants. Plants are like introverts; they don’t appreciate constant handling and fussing. I plan my plant care routine so that I only spend minimal time on them. Choosing the right soil and pot for each plant and their arrangement in my home is crucial. Most of my succulents spend time in well-draining soil in unglazed terracotta pots, and I really let them dry considerably between watering. In summer that’s less strict, but in winter, I might not water most for months.
For thirstier plants, I use self-watering pots to keep moisture consistent. Using self-watering pots does mean you need a breathable soil to avoid suffocating roots.
I only repot when absolutely necessary. Many plants don’t require yearly repotting, and changing their environment can cause stress.
On another note, I’m pretty hands-on with my plants. While they’re delicate, they can also be tough. I often root prune when repotting to ensure there’s space for new roots to grow. The older roots aren’t as useful, and in pots, the ones meant for anchoring become irrelevant. Because of this, I find I don’t need to repot that often.
@Gale
Understanding a plant’s environment and its natural adaptations is often overlooked in the house plant community. Many people only think about it after the fact rather than starting there. Plants are living beings and need the chance to fulfill their natural roles just like we do.
I have lost many plants, but now I focus on plants that don’t need perfect conditions to survive. I ensure they get good light, use an airy medium, and avoid overwatering. It’s easier now since I have a full schedule but I drowned plenty of them when I was home all the time. A water meter can help take the guesswork out of watering, plus using clear pots for plants that sit on sensitive surfaces allows you to see what’s happening more easily. Google and YouTube are great resources, and then it’s all about trial and error. Don’t give up! Once you figure it out, it becomes much simpler.
Experience is key. Each plant has its own needs, even on an individual level. I have about 80 adeniums and they all vary. Some want attention and water often while others do better with less.
The essential rule for any plant is to learn to listen to them. It’s similar to how pets can communicate their needs, but plants are more subtle about it.
Keep in mind some plants have a short lifespan. Annuals only grow for a single season, biennials survive for two, while perennials live longer than three years.
Soil types, pot sizes, lighting needs, watering frequency, plant communication (like how they appear), as well as trimming and root pruning are things I find through Google and other sources. Even now that I think I know what I’m doing, I always double-check.
I’ve killed many plants. Every plant owner, even the pros, experiences losses; they’re just less frequent.
I really love plants.
That’s what matters the most. Keep learning, keep trying, and see what works.
Some tips:
Don’t bite off more than you can chew; start with a few easy plants. Don’t spend a lot on plants you aren’t ready to care for yet.
Keeping a smaller number of unfamiliar plants helps in their care because it reduces confusion.
Collect what you learn so you can refer back to it easily.
As your plant variety grows, it can be harder to keep track, but it’s a personal choice.
Be aware not all plants are the same.
Some plants just aren’t worth the effort. For instance, Xanthoceras Sorbifolium (Chinese Yellowhorn Tree) is stunning but incredibly high-maintenance. They demand perfect conditions, and if you slip up just a bit, they stop growing for months or even years.
It’s perfectly okay to fail. Learn, retry, and you’ll find your rhythm.
The best way to learn is through real experience. I did lots of Googling and read the same information repeatedly, but ultimately, I had a lot of plant deaths. Right now, I have about 50 plants but have probably killed around 30 in total. It’s all about trial and error, communicating on forums, asking questions, and building your understanding. I can now look at a plant and know what it needs or pick it up and figure out if it needs repotting. I often touch my plants many times a day; I really know them. I only started this journey two years ago, and diving in headfirst definitely helped. You will make mistakes, but each plant death is also a chance to learn and make your next one thrive.
***ETA- Find a knowledgeable content creator! Plants with Krystal is my personal favorite. She shares everything you need to know, focuses on plant “rescue,” and importantly, she shows her mistakes. Many only share successes, but that’s not a helpful or realistic approach. You can find her on TikTok and YouTube, and I highly recommend checking her out; she’s adorable, funny, and full of energy.
@Hollis
I follow her too; she’s so knowledgeable! When the famous grocery store ring of fire philo saga happened in October 2023, she shared in our sadness as her plant lost all its leaves just like mine did.
If the soil is airy and receives enough light, it’s almost impossible to overwater most plants. Water until it starts coming out of the pot’s bottom, and avoid letting the soil become bone dry. Most plants will tolerate drying out, but many won’t thrive if they do.
More light is likely more than you think, but you can achieve even with inexpensive grow lights. Succulents should dry out, but just wait until leaves get wrinkly before you water them.
If using coir, be aware that plants might need calmag livening. In general, feed while watering.
If there are pests, don’t rely on the same pesticide to avoid developing resistance. Finish with insecticidal soap and consider beneficial bugs, but wait until the pesticide effects have worn off. Mites often resist flupyradifurone, so you can use predator mites with that.
Provide cuttings with plenty of light and they will grow roots in water quickly. I don’t even change the water when propagating.